By Elyssa Salinas-Lazarski
When I heard the phrase “I am worthy,” I thought about how I use the concept of worth in my daily life. I go to the store, pick out a shirt and consider whether the price makes it worth buying. Looking at the clock, I consider whether an activity is worth the limited time I have. While scrolling through streaming services in search of a new show or movie, I wonder which might be worth watching. Each day, the question of worth has me weighing countless options and constantly wondering: Is it worth it? This question also shifts to me when I’m tired and considering how to care for myself. Do I find that it’s “worth it” to put time and energy into myself?
It’s as though there’s an endless scale tipping from side to side, as we weigh our options against time, money and effort, wondering which is worth it.
It reminds me of an ancient Egyptian story about the afterlife. When a person dies, the gods were said to take that person’s heart and put it on a scale opposite a feather. The weight of your heart against that of the feather represented the truth and justice you had lived in the world, determining how you would spend the afterlife, and if you would be deemed worthy.
I have spent my life weighing not only my options, but my own worth. At different points, I’ve even considered whether I am worthy of the life I have. Do I deserve to be loved and cared for? When I was young, I would question my worth as a friend when no one would call me to hang out on a Friday night. As I got older, I worried about my worthiness as a student going from college into seminary into a PhD program. I also wondered if I was worthy of finding a romantic partner as I dated for years, while at the same time also considering the worth of the people on the dating apps.
Now that I’m a mother, my worth comes into question when my temper runs short or when I forget to put a vegetable on a dinner plate. I wonder if I am worthy of being the mother of two amazing kids, as I try to sign them up for the “right” activities and consider their learning needs. I constantly wonder: How am I doing this? I’m still figuring out so much about myself. How can I be worthy of raising kids?
All these moments of finding worth are enough to make me ask: What makes a woman worthy? Is it her ability to find a partner? To have kids? To be Superwoman?
What makes us question our worth?
Sometimes it feels like I need to be present for the needs of others to the point of hitting a wall of exhaustion before I can feel worthy to care for my own needs. It’s domestic martyrdom and a weight on my back to think that if I do not accomplish enough on my work and home to-do lists, I am not worthy of the rest I hope for and that my husband tries to give me. When I gather with other women whose tanks are just as empty, I see their inherent worthiness. I see it clear as day as we stand together to pick up our children from school or fill our carts to the brim at the grocery store. They are worthy. So why don’t I see my own value? It is as if, in my head, I’ve been putting my own life against that ancient feather of worthiness and wondering if I’ve done enough.
What makes us question our own worthiness? Is it our demanding culture, giving us more lists to complete, recipes we should try, or “life hacks” we should splurge a weekend on? Or is it the voice we hear when we look in the mirror at the body that has carried us so far? That’s one place where the echoes of unworthiness float into my mind. Why have you let yourself go? You should be in better shape. Why did you eat that? Why do you even try? But then I see the two scars beneath my belly from the two C-sections I’ve had, and I consider my children. I see their worthiness simply because they are my children, and for no other reason.
It’s God’s call, not ours.
The truth is, it’s not up to us to determine our own worth. Our worth is a decision that Christ has made for us.
I’ve been teaching a course on Jesus and the Gospels. While reviewing old notes, I stumbled upon a notebook from a New Testament course I took in seminary. In addition to notes about the time in which Jesus Christ lived, it contains details of a culture centered around shame. Looking back, I see the distinction between shame and guilt. Shame is a feeling of being unworthy, no matter what one does. However, we can move on from feeling guilt through practicing repentance and forgiveness. My professor had said that he was a fan of guilt because guilt is something that can be forgiven. Guilt is about feeling the consequences of making a poor decision or action, whereas shame is believing nothing can be done to change the wrongness of someone. In other words, guilt is believing you did something wrong, and shame is believing you are inherently wrong.
It is Christ who brings us out of the cloud of shame and into a place of worthiness. Martin Luther recognized the beautiful relationship we have with Christ, as his beloved people. In Luther’s treatise, On Monastic Vows, he notes that it is Christ who comforts our conscience and allows us to be at peace. He writes: “The conscience may be likened to the dove resting in safety in the clefts of the rock and in the secret places [Song of Solomon 2:14]” (Luther’s Works 44, 298). With Jesus Christ, our conscience is not filled with shame or guilt but can rest easy. Because this relationship is one of deep intimacy, nothing is hidden from Christ. “The conscience belongs to Christ and Christ to the conscience, and no one intrudes into the secret bedchamber of this spouse and his bride,” Luther writes (Luther’s Works 44, 304). There is nothing to hide, and no unworthiness in the marriage bedchamber. We are invited in to be as we are: loved and truly worthy.
It’s a good thing that it is God, not us, who decides our worth. God, our parent, sees the worthiness in us every moment of our lives. Worthiness is neither something to earn nor a race to be won. It is a gift from God, who emptied Godself on the cross to die for us out of love and grace.
May we find peace in knowing that God’s love makes us worthy. God’s love is a gift we will always have. God claims us, so we are worthy. I am worthy. You are worthy. Always.
DR. ELYSSA SALINAS-LAZARSKI is adjunct faculty in theology and honors at Dominican University, River Forest, Illinois. She lives in the Chicago area with her husband, two children and two cats.
This article appeared in the Summer 2026 issue of Gather. To read more like it, subscribe to Gather.